Well, I'm still going with the mantra "focus on what you do well..." and today I've expanded that to "nurture your inner narcisist." Has a kind of ring to it. I'm coming to a kind of peace with myself this week. My narcissism is like a many bladed swiss army knife. I am very focused on style and presentation. I consider my face as a canvas to paint, my body a canvas to dress, my hair an expression of my personality as are my nails. I'd pay much more attention to my clothes and shoes if I had anywhere to go. The other blade on this sword is that I think this is an incredibly superficial and shallow focus. But we're not going there today. We are nurturing the narcissist. Another favorite form of my narcissism is the records I keep about myself. First, I blog. When people ask me the subject of my blog, all I can say is "me." I keep all kinds of logs. Over the years I've kept food diaries, exercise logs, a private diary, lists of personal goals and operating prinicples, even a well being chart. I weigh myself every morning, always to experience that first jolt of disappointment for the day. Every couple of years I'll take my measurements and record them for comparison. My self-absorbed philosphy is that one can NEVER be too thin. Even a size 2, at 100 pounds wasn't too thin. I thought it was pretty perfect at the time, but then I had the misfortune of being depressed and unable to really appreciate how perfectly tiny I was. And I wasn't eating. I was actually pretty disfunctional at the time. Twenty pounds heavier today, it's harder to run up the stairs real fast. Getting dressed in this body is not fun and I try to scare as few people as possible by undressing in company. I've been ashamed of my inner narcissist for a long time. I'm afraid I will age into my (role model for self absorbtion) mother. But today I'm all about acceptance and loving the selfish, attention seeking, show off, arrogant, have to be unique critter I am. I think my nails are dry now.