Steve got home from China on Friday and he's been sleeping a lot. Long into the morning he sleeps. Jess came over yesterday after our dentist appointment and she fell asleep for a few hours on the couch. Oakleigh is asleep on her bed with her nose on her marrow bone. I watch them sleep and am happy it's safe for them.

Diane called and disintegrated on the phone. The holidays are cruel to people who have lost children.

Every morning now, I wake up feeling overwhelmed. The gap between my expectations and my reality pushes me up against panic. I'd like to say it's self induced. I'm frustrated with my art. I'm disappointed and embarrassed by my lack of ambition. It's so hard for me to work alone.